 In every aspect of our lives we will face criticism and or feedback. What’s the difference you ask? You can look up the dictionary meaning but my short version is as follows:
The only purpose of Criticism is to hurt, put down, belittle or deride whilst making the deliverer feel better about their short comings. Feedback on the other hand, should be, and when delivered properly, is constructive. So when it does come your way, how do you handle it and what do you do with it? Let me tell you about my recent experience. The other night I was at my local Toastmasters International club. For those of you who haven’t heard of Toastmasters, It’s an international organisation which teaches public speaking skills. If you fear speaking in public (and 73% of the population do) or you need to improve your skills, I strongly recommend it. You’ll get an opportunity to speak at every meeting and be evaluated by another member. The evaluation is the critical component because it identifies not only your strengths but the areas in which you need to improve. I have been a member for many years and even as a professional speaker and trainer, I continue to attend for 2 main reasons. The first is I want to continue to hone my skills and so I take every opportunity to speak and receive feedback. The second, and most important is that it’s an opportunity for me to give back to the new or less experienced members. When I started my journey, I would have never followed my path and gained the skills and the confidence without the support and guidance from experienced members so now, as one of those experienced members, it’s my time to nurture and guide others. Anyway, going back to the other night, I gave a speech and was being evaluated by a very experienced Toastmaster. Now this gentleman provides quality feedback but every now and then, I think in an effort to provide humour, he loses his way and the other night was no exception! In the midst of his commentary he pops out with “and Con is 7 -8 kilo’s overweight”, WHAT????!!!!!. As expected, he achieved his desired result as he got a few laughs at my expense but there were also some raised eyebrows. More importantly, how did I deal with it? I find this strategy extremely useful and if your ego is easily activated, as it used to be, I suggest you give this a try. What was the intent? Knowing him the way I do, I know his comment was not delivered with any malice and his sole intention was to get a laugh at my expense. Of course the irony is that he is probably 15-20kg over weight! How is this relevant? Obviously NOT AT ALL. Given I was there to continue to improve my speaking skills, my weight, right or wrong had nothing to do with the quality of my presentation or was in any way going to help me improve. Given the answers above, I totally dismissed it in the context of my speech and moved on immediately, unlike my younger, less “emotionally self-aware” self, who would have confronted him seeking either an apology, retribution or both. Next. Is this relevant or useful in any other area of my life? Look, I know I am no fly weight and it would be good to drop 4 or 5kg’s but I’m in good health and it’s not a priority and anyway, given my love of chocolate and desserts in general, it would be very challenging so again, the comment was dismissed forever. If however, it had of pushed my buttons and surfaced my want and need to lose weight, I could use it as fuel to motivate me. The point is, at all stages, it was my choice how I dealt with the comments as it is yours! I look forward to your thoughts and any feedback. To your success And until next time, My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist
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 One of the most important communication skills we can possess is the art of listening.
We were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth and we should use them in those proportions but far too many people don’t and so, if you ARE a good listener, that my good folks works to your advantage! It’s a fact that humans love to talk and many love to talk about themselves. If you are an active and skilled listener, just think how much you will learn about the other person. This is particularly applicable in a sales situation. Let me explain. If you are in sales, the best way to serve your customer is to understand their needs and the best way to do that is to ask quality questions then zip it and let them talk. The longer they talk, the more you learn about:
The ability to be an active listener combined with asking better questions is universally beneficial In his book “Never Split the Difference”, former FBI Hostage negotiator, Chris Voss talks about the “Black Swan”. Black Swans are pieces of information gained by letting the other person speak and actively listening which completely changes the balance of the negotiation. The more you let people talk, the more likely they will reveal a “Black Swan”. Add to the fact that people want to talk, they also find silence awkward and uncomfortable. Become comfortable around the uncomfortableness and you’ll have the other person singing like a bird. As the saying goes, “he who speaks first loses” Another huge advantage of being a good listener is that it helps you to respond rather than react. As a good listener, you are really listening to understand what is driving the other person. Don’t confuse understanding and empathy with agreement. Just because you are empathetic and understand where the other person is coming from, it doesn’t automatically mean you agree with their perspective or point of view. A mentor once told me “You already know what you know, shut up, listen and you’ll learn something new” Work on those listening skills and reap the rewards. Until next time My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist PS Want to get my blog delivered straight to your inbox? Subscribe to my regular newsletter and you get a stack of info to help you become a better speaker and a more effective communicator. Remember, the quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success.  One of the most common memes /questions I see posed on social media is “What advice would you give to your younger self”. It is an interesting question and whilst sadly time travel is not possible today, I’m sure there are many, if not all of us (especially me!) who would sell the farm for that opportunity. Well, today, I sat and ruminated on that very question and in my ruminated state, it was very apparent that I have made many errors of judgement and a good few which can only be described as being of biblical proportions! These are definitely some tips I would share with my younger self.
Don’t tolerate a crap relationship. The signs were there very early on with my last relationship. I knew it was going to create major issues but I felt embarrassed to end it. My ego couldn’t admit I had made a mistake. What would my family and friends say? 5 years on and after nearly destroying my relationship with my family, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. If it’s not working then get out!! Get financially educated. I’m still blown away that schools don’t teach financial literacy. If you’re lucky enough to have had it taught at home then good luck. If you weren’t, you need to take it upon yourself. The harsh reality is that the majority of people in retirement will be reliant on social security. Even an elementary knowledge will save you from a fair amount of pain and in my case, a bucket of pain! Don’t buy “stuff” to impress people. I’m not sure who said it first but I have seen many people quote it. “People buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.” It pretty well sums it up. Let’s be really honest, you don’t need 5 televisions or 15 watches. Friends today, gone tomorrow. People will come in and out of your life. Some will stay for a short time others for a long time, rarely will it be a lifetime. I struggled with this for a long time. I had friends in my thirties who I thought I would end up sharing a room with at the retirement village but stuff happens. People change and their priorities change. If you have to fight to keep people in your life, they are not worth being in your life. I read somewhere people come into your life for a reason. It can be for an experience or a lesson. Don’t be sad or angry but embrace the experience and move on. Cars are expensive. Someone once told me, cars are like racehorses. Anyone can buy them but maintaining them is another story. Why didn’t they tell me that 40 years ago! If you haven’t worked it out yet, they are a depreciating asset and sadly I got caught up in the “buying to impress”. I’m not suggesting you should drive a bomb but you should avoiding borrowing to buy a car and remember a $20,000 car does the same job as a $50,000 car. Money IS important. I’ve been on both side of the fence and let me tell you emphatically MONEY IS IMPORTANT. It’s not about stuff you can buy with money it’s the experiences and the choices it affords you. Health care, education and work. I have always drummed it into my kids the value of money and choices YOU get to make in life. I’m convinced the majority of people who say money isn’t important, have never had. Winter will come As sure as the seasons come and go so will challenges appear in life. I was ignorant (often!) that summer and spring (the abundant times) would last forever but I can assure you they don’t! Financial, health and relationship challenges are inevitable. It’s not a case of if but when. Now, some health challenges you can’t prevent or foresee but financial and relationship challenges are really a case of you reap what you sow. Those outcomes are a direct result of your actions or inactions. Don’t ever challenge “worse” When you think you have hit rock bottom and things couldn’t be or get worse, I assure you they can! As a famous comedian once said, “don’t ever challenge worse” And finally, when you do feel you’re at rock bottom, NOBODY is coming to save you. The only person that can save you is you. The great Jim Rohn said “Accepting responsibility for where you are is one of the greatest signs of human maturity” I created my mess, I have the power to change it. I look forward to your feedback and until the next edition, my name is Con and I am “The Con Versationalist.” PS I am so thrilled my “A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist” is now a podcast. I have interviewed some amazing people with some incredible stories and transformations and you don’t want to miss the upcoming guest list! Listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It is also available on a heap of other platforms, just search “A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist” on your preferred platform.  WHY DIDN’T YOU RETURN MY CALL?
One of the most frustrating things can be leaving a message on someone’s phone and not getting a return call or at the least a text back(at some point!) I have no doubt the lady that left a message on my phone Wednesday is absolutely cursing me at the moment. I haven’t returned her call and sadly I can’t. You see, I couldn’t understand a word she was saying! You would think that leaving a message on someone’s phone would be pretty basic and straight forward but obviously it’s not. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Let me give you some really basic, but important tips.
If you have experienced “no call return”, I suggest you leave a message on a friends or family members phone and play it back. You might find out the reason they didn’t call you back! Remember, the quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success. To your success. My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist.  Public Speaking and the Air Force Pilot
What could the 2 possibly have in common? That was my thoughts as well. Late last year I was speaking to a young man who is determined to become a pilot in the Australian Air Force. I assumed (very wrongly) that the process would be to firstly enlist then go through due process. The conversation which ensued was very enlightening. He told me the best way was to in fact apply to become a pilot without actually having joined the Air Force. He went on to explain the various processes and steps he had to go through. Sadly he was not successful and had stumbled at the last hurdle which was an interview with 3 officers and a psychologist. Not to be discouraged and highly motivated to succeed he was currently two thirds the way through with his second attempt. As we know, one of the most critical things in improving in any aspect of our lives and businesses is feedback. Be it from our customers, work colleagues friends and family, constructive feedback is important. So naturally I asked, whether he was either provided feedback or there was a process to request feedback to clarify or identify areas which needed to be addressed. I was stunned with his response……..the FIRST recommendation was to improve his Public Speaking skills. I was speechless (which for those who know me is a rarity!). He went on to explain that they felt he lacked conviction in his responses and that to be a leader he required better speaking skills to articulate instructions or orders or respond to situations requiring fast responses. Also by his own admissions he was terrified standing in front of just 4 people! I was blown away but then got to thinking. I am constantly faced with the misconception of what Public Speaking is. The common interpretation is to speak in front of a large group or audience of sorts. While that is partially correct, the reality is that Public Speaking is, at the core being able to better communicate in any size group. Be it one on one with a friend, family member or work colleague, a department meeting or workshop and anything in-between. He is now in the process of learning all the required skills to address his fear and confidently respond. One of those skills is the art of Impromptu Speaking. Thinking on your feet with a response or comment with no opportunity to prepare. This he tells me is without a doubt the most valuable skill. I am convinced that EVERYONE can benefit from learning Public Speaking skills. Think about the last time you got caught in the lift with your manager or boss and he threw you a curveball to which you were like a deer in the headlights or the time you had an idea at a department meeting and you were so overcome with fear you sat quietly. Understand these are not isolated instances and they have strong ramifications for you both personally and professionally moving forward. Remember, the quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success. To Your Success, My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist  Funerals and Public Speaking
Last year I attended the funeral of an elderly lady, who, to be honest, I had never actually met. The obvious question is why the heck were you there? I was there as a mark of respect to other family members who I was very close to and also to give me an opportunity to directly pass on my condolences. The funeral was conducted according to Greek Orthodox tradition in a Greek Orthodox Church with barely standing room available. At a reasonable guess there would have been 250-300 people. Now I know most of you reading this are really wondering where am I going with this, what’s the point and more importantly, what does this in way have to do with public speaking? Trust me, I getting there! I am a very keen “people watcher” or an observationalist. I observe people’s body language, facial expressions to understand the thoughts between their ears so as such it didn’t take too long to work out there many there were thinking and feeling the same as I was. Now you could say, well it’s a funeral, everyone pretty well has the gist of what’s going on and you would be right, BUT this is where I make my point. I was up the back and could barely make out what the priests were saying despite the fact they had a microphone, and it wasn’t just me. I overheard many attendees mention they couldn’t hear a thing. As a speaker or presenter you have an obligation to ensure your audience can hear you. One of the fundamental public speaking tips we share is to ensure you have checked the all audio/ visual equipment. If your audience can’t hear you, they’ll be switching of REAL quick whether it’s a funeral, wedding or Bar Mitzvah. It would have taken only a few moments prior to the service to check and rectify any issues. I wanted to know about this ladies life, her experiences and the positive impact she had on her family and the community but I, along with many others, were deprived. Along with not being able to hear them, there was a significant demographic who would not have either understood the meaning of the service or the language. There was a feeble attempt at performing part of the service in English but it fell short of providing any real value. Well the priest isn’t selling anything, what does he care who can hear or understand I hear you say…..WRONG. As there is competition in every area of life as there is in religion. As a youngster I attended church with my mother, albeit not overly willingly, but as I got older, my attendance was limited to obligatory events such as weddings, christenings and funerals because I could neither hear most of the time not could I understand. All community organisations struggle for members which ultimately drives income necessary for their ongoing survival. The next time you’re presenting anywhere, make sure your audience can not only hear you but can understand the language and the context. If you are part of any organisation, be it a commercial entity or a not for profit it’s fair to say you have an element of passion. As such you have an obligation to not only yourself but to the organisation and maybe look at taking on a leadership role. One of the pre requisites of leadership is effective public speaking. You need to be able to communicate your message effectively. Your audience, whether its 2 or 200 need to be able to clearly hear, understand and be sold on your message so they ultimately take the required action in your message. Effective public speaking is crucial to you and your organisations success. I always say, “The quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success”. One of the best ways to improve your communication is having efficient public speaking skills. Effective public speaking skills increases your confidence, which makes you more persuasive and influential. Whilst the priests at the funeral were not there to influence or persuade as the primary objective, they missed an opportunity to influence and persuade potential parishioners of the value and the overall experience they are able to provide at that church. How many times have you attended a service at either a church or with a celebrant and either yourself or others have passed comments on the experience. “That priest performed a lovely service” or “I highly recommend this particular celebrant”. And finally….. The funeral reminded me of the finality of our existence on this earth at this time. I’m not here to debate or discuss re incarnation or anyone’s religious beliefs be it Hindu, Muslim or Christian but there is no denying, when your dead in this life, your dead. We all have things we say “were gunna do” or “I must get around to …” We also have relationships which we take for granted. We hold silly grudges and don’t talk to them because we are angry. If you only get one thing from this blog, make it this! Life is limited, longer for some than for others but never the less limited. Don’t keep putting off things which are important to you, challenge you to become a better person or challenge you improve professionally. Don’t regret what you’ve done but regret what you haven’t done. Life is too short to pile up woulda, coulda and shouldas and who do you think would have the greatest clarity on life? The ones nearing the end of theirs. If you want to know about regret, I strongly suggest you read “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” by Bronnie Ware. Make sure you have ample tissues or hankies because if this book does not draw tears you either need to check your pulse or there is a heart missing! Ware spent many years caring for those facing their own mortality. When she questioned the dying about any regrets they had or anything they would have done differently, she found common themes surface repeatedly. In no particular order the top 5 were I wish:
As always, I look forward to your comments. My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist Until next week, bye for now.  But I’m JUST the MC
Just before COVID-19, I attended a small, but significant event held by a major charity. It was significant because amongst the speakers and attendees was the CEO, The Head of Marketing, a number of senior staff and very importantly the State Government Minister responsible for this area. They had done some things really well. A stage had been arranged along with good quality PA equipment which had been checked and was in working order and they had a clear running sheet for the evening. Nice canapés along with lovely, quality refreshments were on offer in a comfortable area with seating as required. Pretty good so far……. Sadly that’s where it ended! Now, I want to be clear about this, the purpose of this article is not to bag the charity or any of the participants and hence why no names will be mentioned. The purpose is to inform and prepare any of the readers should they be required to fill the role of an MC or arrange any such event. What went wrong and what should have happened. I have no political affiliations and politicians in general aren’t on my Christmas card list, that said, if they are invited to attend your event, they should be respected and extended courtesy. So, the minister in question turns up about 15 minutes late, no big deal but then she is left standing there with no allocated seat, in fact no seat at all! There she was, leaning on the wall, looking somewhat awkward. It was only after 10 minutes or so that someone actually offered her a seat. There should have been a designated seat for her which should have been identified. The MC got things underway and apart from being nervous and the common splattering’s of Um’s and Ah’s, she did ok. Ill only mention this once as an aside, she wasn’t alone in the Um stakes! I would expect a CEO of any major organisation, corporate or NFP to not add um’s and ah’s after every sentence. Back to the main point. There was some good humour to entertain and I though she was going well. She introduced the minister as the next speaker and invited her to the stage and that’s when the wheels fell off!! As the minister approached, the MC walked off the stage. She should have waited for the minister to arrive at the lectern, shake hands whilst smiling and maintaining eye contact THEN walk off the stage. Why is this important? For the guest, it makes them feel welcome and comfortable and extends them the courtesy and respect they deserve. For goodness sake, we are talking about a member of parliament in this example. For you as the MC, it indicates YOU are in control of the proceedings and builds connection and report with your audience. Very import When the minister finished, as the MC was not close by and given she wasn’t greeted at the beginning, the minister just walked of the stage…..awkward. As the MC, you need to be close by and again shake hands, quietly thank her and as she is walking off the stage, publicly acknowledge her. This, unfortunately was standard fare for the entire evening. There were a number of awards to be handed out but as names were called out come recipients were not present. So you have the MC, CEO and MP on stage waiting for the named recipient to come on stage but it doesn’t happen. A bit uncomfortable to say the least. The fact this happened multiple times and the reasons the recipients were not present is not important for this conversation but as MC, you need to check and make sure. If they aren’t present, after announcing them as the winner you can seamlessly go on to “unfortunately Mary can’t be here this evening”. Again, this indicates confidence and authority. You know exactly what’s going on and everything is under control. The role of MC obviously varies with the different type of events ranging from presentation ceremonies to weddings etc., but in all you need to demonstrate you have authority and control. So let me summarise some of the key items for your next role as an organiser or MC at an event.
The role of MC is important so attending to above mentioned items will make for a more professional, organised event. Of course to really excel, get yourself some coaching or do a course. If it’s a special occasion like a wedding, there is no second chance. If its work, make an outstanding impression to you bosses and work colleagues. Work on your eye contact, body language, stage craft and your tonality to make a real impression and take your presenting to a whole new level. You just don’t know what opportunities will open up. As always we look forward to your comments and feedback. My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist. Until next time, Bye for now.  Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You…
If you were born prior to the early 60’s and had any interest in music, you most likely remember the great Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”. For those of you too young to know or too old to remember, the first 2 lines are “You're just too good to be true I can't take my eyes off you” We are also familiar with the saying “The eyes are the window to the soul”. The eyes reveal so much about what we’re thinking and depending on the eye contact or lack thereof, will produce wide and varied results in the social interactions. For a television show, Body Language experts, Allan and Barbara Pease conducted an experiment using a dating agency. A selected number of men were told that their next date was well matched to them and that they should expect a successful date. However each man was told that his date had suffered an injury to one eye as a child and that she was very sensitive about it because the eye didn’t track properly. They were told we weren’t sure which eye it was but if they looked closely enough they would be able to pick it. Each woman was told the same story about her date and that if she too looked closely she would be able to spot the slow eye. On their dates the couples spent the evening gazing into each other’s eyes searching in vain for the “problem eye” The outcome was that each couple reported high levels of intimacy and romance on their dates and the likelihood of the couple meeting again for a second date was 200% higher than the agency average! As a speaker, it’s important to maintain good eye contact with your audience. This builds credibility and trust with our audience. The inability to make and maintain good eye contact with an audience indicates nerves, lack of confidence, lack of knowledge of the particular subject, withholding information or downright lying. In small groups it’s easy to make eye contact will all individuals. A different technique is required in larger groups. Standing back further and selecting points or individuals to look at gives the appearance your making eye contact with a larger group in that area. We have all heard “Don’t trust them if they can’t look you in the eye” be wary, skilled, regular liars will have good eye contact. You’ll need to look for other signs to confirm your belief they are lying such as voice change and pupil dilation. Extended blinking can also be an indication of lying as well. I’m sure we all have been at an event and met someone for the first time and you’re hoping you never meet them again and can’t wait to get away! Darting eyes from side to side, to the uninformed can look as if a person is scoping the activity of the room. However, it is in fact the brain searching for escape routes revealing a person’s insecurity about the situation. Most people are aware that looking away indicates a lack of interest in the other person and identifies our desire to run, we engage in more eye contact with the boring individual and to feign interest use a tight lipped smile. This is the same behaviour engaged by liars to appear convincing. Where do you look? Building rapport. Michael Argyle, a pioneer of social psychology and non-verbal communication found that when person A like person B, he will look at him a lot. This causes B to think A likes him so B will like A in return. In other words, in most cultures, to build a good rapport with another person, your gaze should meet theirs 60 to 70% of the time. This will also cause them to begin to like you. It’s not surprising, then that the nervous timid person who meets our gaze less than 30% of the time is rarely trusted. This is also why wearing dark tinted glasses in negotiations should be avoided as they make others feel your either staring at them or avoiding eye contact. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, body language can be culturally determined, so please, don’t assume that a particular gestures meaning in the western culture is the same in others! Until next time…keep your eyes open! My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist Bye for now.  TALK TO ANYONE, ANYTIME.
Do you ever feel awkward during conversations with work colleagues, clients or even acquaintances and family? Do you get a little anxious when you’re thinking about a party or a networking event that you really should be attending? Do you have a lack of confidence in these situations? Well, don’t panic. Firstly, you are no orphan, many people feel uncomfortable while trying to form a connection but importantly there are some simple strategies to help you talk to anyone at any time. Ask Meaningful Questions. Sometimes the other person may be feeling exactly the same way. See if you can draw out conversation by asking questions that are open ended i.e. they require more than a yes or no answer. Instead of asking “Did you enjoy your recent trip?” try “Tell me about the best parts of your trip you recently took”. Also, ask them what they think about a topic or recent event. Be Sincere in Your Interest in the Other Person. Dale Carnegie said it well. “It’s much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you.” When you’re engaged in conversation, be present, don’t be thinking about what chores you have to do or where else you need to be. Show a genuine interest in the other person and invariably, they’ll reciprocate. Research If you’re about meet someone in particular, whether it’s a potential new client or an important networking connection, doing some research on that person will be extremely beneficial. Finding out their interests, likes and dislikes gives you plenty to talk about and at the same time topics to avoid! Research is so easy nowadays with social media. Linked In is a great tool as is Facebook. By the way, I’m not advocating on line stalking!!! Be Complimentary The saying goes, “It’s nice to be nice.” There is always a reason to say something nice, and no better way to attract the undivided attention of someone than to issue a genuine, flattering remark. It’s not hard to find something to compliment. Try appearance, clothes, hair or home just as a few suggestions. Listen This is one of my favourites. I read once, “You were given two ears and one mouth, use them in those proportions.” Listening is a real skill and a big part of successful communication is responding appropriately so how can you do that if you didn’t hear the previous comment? Another benefit to listening more than talking is you’ll probably learn something. After all, you already know what you know. “Whatever your grade or position, if you know how and when to speak, and when to remain silent, your chances of real success are proportionally increased”. Great words from Ralph C.Smedley. Keep Up to Date With Current Events and Issues. When it comes to one on one communication, it is better to know a little about a lot of things rather than a lot about one or two things. In fact, it’s often that people who have just one area of expertise and interest are the dullest conversationalists. Avoid Debates It’s ok to have some friendly banter and discussions but you need to avoid these turning nasty. Everyone is entitled to their view, you don’t have to agree with them. It’s generally a good rule to stay away from historically volatile subjects typically religion and politics. “I don’t agree with you but I’ll defend till death, your right to say it”. Evelyn Beatrice Hall. Also a great tool in avoiding debates is eliminate using but. But is one of the most powerful words in the English language. It completely negates everything the user said previously. “He is a good golfer but...” What you’re really saying he isn’t a good golfer at all! Use the more gentle and instead. “He is a good golfer and if he spent more time on the practice green he could be a great golfer”. Use Humour and Smile There is nothing more inviting than a warm, genuine smile. Smile when you meet and greet a person and it gets the interaction of to a great start. A natural, friendly smile will lighten up a conversation and make the other person feel comfortable, relaxed and so more likely to converse in an open and authentic way. Humour goes a long way, tasteful humour that is! Funny brief stories are a great way to build rapport. Potentially offensive and distasteful jokes you heard at a bucks party should be avoided as this could kill the conversation on the spot. It’s been said your network equals your net worth. In context of this article, net worth is more than money. It represents experiences and human connection. In my younger years, I avoided uncomfortable situations like the plague! I refused to go events and parties either on my or where I didn’t know someone that would be there. I made a choice to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone and using these really simple hints changed my life. I hope they have a positive impact on yours. We look forward to your comments, feedback and any questions you may have to help you become not only a better conversationalist but a better speaker and communicator. Until next week, my name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist.  PEEK A BOO…..I CAN SEE YOU!
For those who are actively looking for work as a result of recently losing their jobs, looking for a career change or looking for a job which offers promotion within their chosen field, one thing is common……all interviews are currently conducted via an online medium such as Zoom and unless you turn off your camera, surprise, surprise, they can see you! Just like in a face to face interview, you are being judged and assessed for your suitability for a role based on a number of professional and personal criteria and like it or not, humans are wired for bias. So why then do people attend like they and the background are invisible? I hear stories of people attending in their active wear or looking like they have just woken up, the house looking like a pigsty and worse. The labour market is more competitive than ever before and as such, you need to make sure you control ALL the things you can control in your environment. You need to create the mentality that the interview is being conducted on YOUR home ground. I’m not going to go into interview prepping, I’ll be speaking to a professional on my “A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist” program in the coming days but here are a few tips to make sure you make a good impression and improve your success rate. Find a Quiet Spot You want to be able to focus on the interview and the questions being asked so having a quiet spot is important. You don’t want the TV or stereo blaring in the background. Bad enough if you don’t hear the question but worse if you miss hear and answer the wrong question! Dressed Appropriately Present for your Zoom interview the same way you would attend a face to face interview. Make sure your hair is brushed, combed or however you wear it and ladies, if you would normally wear make up to an interview, wear if for this. Body Language It amazes me how many people dismiss the value and importance of body language in an online interview. The fact is, it’s vital you use appropriate eye contact to create trust and build rapport. Here is a pro tip. Stand up. If possible, set up your device so you can stand up. The object is not so they can see you in body length, in fact you still only want to be seen as sitting but standing in your power pose increases your confidence by up to 25%. The body produces endorphins, serotonin and more. Check the Lighting The interviewer wants to get to know you on many levels. They are looking to see who the real you is. Make sure the lighting provides an accurate reflection. You don’t want to look like you’re in a dudgeon and you also don’t want the glare to blind them. What’s In the Room? So you have gone to the trouble to dress up, good lighting, remember the interviewer can see what’s behind you! Make sure the lounge room hasn’t got the empty pizza boxes and wine bottles strewn all over the room from last night’s party. If the quiet spot is your bedroom, tidy up your room. Make the bed and hang up the last 10 outfits that are scattered on the bed and floor. Here is another pro tip. Check your wall art. In a world of political correctness gone mad, what you find funny or artistic, someone may find down right offensive. Make Sure the Other Members of the House Know. You don’t want you house mate or the kids barging in during your interview. If you have little ones, get them looked after. Take the necessary steps to make sure you are not interrupted. Do a Test Run Your prospective employer will advise you of the particular platform they will be using to conduct the interview. Make sure you are familiar with that platform. It would be catastrophic if you could not connect and missed your opportunity. Practice with a friend or family member to make sure the lighting is right and you have the view that best suits you. Be professional. Preparation is key. All the best with you interview and as always, I look forward to your feedback and comments. Until next week, my name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist. |
AuthorCon is an accomplished and articulate speaker and presenter with over 25 years of high level sales experience. Archives
February 2021
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