 Christmas Day is fast approaching…again. It seems to come around a damn site faster as I get older. Some people genuinely look forward to the day whether it be a time to spend with loved ones, time off work or the gifts but for many it’s a period of high anxiety and stress that comes around on special occasions. We magically transform into a different person. We behave different. These are my experiences but given I’m not unique on this planet, there is a fair chance many of you reading this have or currently experience some or all of these traits.
Why Am I Spending Xmas with You? For most of us, we have a high level of hypocrisy. It’s the one day of the year where we spend time with people we don’t normally spend time with the rest of the year. Why is this so? We have these facades of love, joy and goodwill to fellow man on this day but gossip and ignore the other 364 days! It can be a sense of obligation with family. Extended family, your partner’s side of the family and your ex are all tough situations and many feel they just don’t have a choice. As I have gotten older, I’ve become selfish. The question is simple, if I don’t choose to spend time with them during the year, why the hell would I do it on Xmas day!? In some cases I never had a problem with any particular individual but the tension between others created anxiety and stress for me. They didn’t need to say anything….just the look of disdain on their faces told a thousand words. Xmas day is a bit like funerals, I have known people whose lives were consumed with hatred for another over many years, never a nice word said and then they turn up to their funeral. Really! I’m sure it’s either to make themselves feel better or to be seen as doing “the right thing” Why Did I Buy That? “We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” I am not taking credit for this quote as It’s been said by many. It’s sad, but many people buy gifts for people they don’t really like and often on credit and to add insult to injury, are then paying for it for the other 364 days of the year. If people are judging you on the size or value of your gift, they are not worth buying for, period. Not only do we spend money we don’t have but ridiculously we buy gifts which in all probability will NEVER be used. It’s a certainty they’ll either end up on eBay, re-gifted or worse, in the bin! You wouldn’t throw a $20 note in the bin so why would waste it on crap. Now, I can hear “but it’s the thought that counts”. Yes, it is the thought so think about it. If your budget is $20 and they are on your “I want to, not feel obligated to buy for” list, make it something they will either use or appreciate. For someone who has always been anxious about gift giving and not creative, the gift voucher is a god send and if financially, things aren’t what you would like them to be, don’t underestimate the value of a simple card expressing your feelings and how important the other person is in your life. I’m a big fan of Scott Pape aka The Barefoot Investor. He tells it like it is and is on a mission to improve financial literacy. He has great tips on how to actually make Xmas merry and not a financial burden. How Much Can One Person Eat and Drink?? It’s like it’s the last supper! There will be food tomorrow and this was not the last grape harvest. I’m all about variety and having certain things for special occasions. That’s what makes it special, but Con, you don’t have to eat everything! You can only eat leftovers for so long and its ultimately criminal the amount of food thrown out. I have modified my eating habits and I’m sure many of you can relate to this so enough said. How will you be spending Xmas day? For me, I’ll be spending my day with my beautiful children, their loving partners, my adorable grandson and my gorgeous partner. Lunch will be a simple BBQ and a few prawns as the extravagance. We have agreed there will be no gifts from or for me with the obvious exception being my grandson. It’s simple. This kind of Xmas isn’t for everyone and each to their own, but however you celebrate Xmas Day, I hope, most importantly, you are surrounded by people you love, 365 days a year, it’s full of joy and laughter and you’re not paying for it for 365 days (or more!). I look forward to your feedback and until the next edition, my name is Con and I am “The Con Versationalist.”
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 For first time readers of my blog, last week I celebrated my 60th birthday and took a moment to reflect on the lessons I had learnt and given the opportunity, would share with my younger self. I received plenty of positive feedback and most readers could relate to what I wrote. However it was interesting to hear my son’s feedback after he read it. “Dad, I loved what you wrote but I felt it was all negative. All good lessons on what not to do but you have done some really good stuff……you should have mentioned some of those.” I thought about that for a while and he was right. My intention was never for it to be a negative article but clearly it could be and was interpereted in that light and he was right, there were some lessons to share with positive outcomes. Having been involved in personal development ecosystem over the last 7 years, one of the strategies coaches use to help build self-esteem and to help clients see themselves in a more positive light is to write a list of achievements, no matter how small. Indeed we have tendency, and I am definitely guilty, of dismissing or diminishing the value of some of my achievements. We only consider or value the “big “ones but ultimately it’s all about perception. Well Jonathon, thanks for the feedback and here are 4 of the main positive ones. Spend quality time with your kids. I often see and hear some parents say, “I do spend time with my kids”. There is a huge difference between physically being there and being present and engaged. Watching TV whilst your kids are playing with toys is NOT spending time and being present, it’s called supervising, just! My greatest and proudest achieving is my kids. I always spent quality time with them and we did things together. As a result, I have an amazing relationship with them. They are married and are building their own lives but we still talk and spend time together regularly (multiple times weekly). They know they can call me anytime and discuss anything, in fact my son is 31 and we still weight train 5 days a week at 6am. You reap what you sow and I am blessed to have reaped a bumper crop. And for those of you using work and a perceived lack of time to spend quality time with your kids, listen to Harry Chapin’s classic “Cats in the Cradle” Look after your body. Obesity is a major issue in society and can be directly and indirectly attributed to diabetes, high cholesterol and heart disease amongst other ailments. Carrying those excess kilos also impact day to day life. Some day’s basic activities can seem like climbing Mt Everest! At my heaviest of 120kg, it took me 15 minutes to put my socks and shoes on. I’d do one foot and have to stop and take half a dozen deep breaths before attempting the second. I’m not a fitness fanatic, don’t intend to compete at the next Olympics and I have inherited my mother’s sweet tooth but I have always kept active and am lucky that I have found a physical activity I love. I have been doing weight training in one form or another for 40 years and I’m proud that I’m often told I don’t look anywhere near my age. Most importantly, I could always run around with the kids when they were younger and now I’m blessed to be able to run after my beautiful grandson. Give it a go Regret in old age is widely spoken about. Regret the things you haven’t done rather than what you have done. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no, if you don’t try things how will you know if you love or hate them…..the clichés are endless but never the less true. The idea of safety in the known is never something I have subscribed to. I took chances on work and business and while I am still working on my fortune, I did discover my true passion is Public Speaking, Coaching and Training and I kept asking the gorgeous girl out and she eventually said yes. We all have something in us we want to do or try. Don’t wait till it’s too late. Travel This is kind of a continuation from “Give it a go” but I feel strongly enough that it needed to be discussed separately. I spent a few years in my teens in the USA (that will be another episode!) and got to understand and love their sports. I always wanted to go back as an adult but found every excuse known to man until I made a stronger case to go than not to go and boy, I had a ball! Traveling gives you a different perspective on life, amazing experiences and in many case makes you really appreciate home. I mean, the people that complain about Adelaide traffic have never been to Melbourne or Sydney, let alone New York or Los Angeles! I look forward to your feedback and until the next edition, my name is Con and I am “The Con Versationalist.”  Well, today I turn the big 60!
I must admit, I don’t feel any different physically than when I hit 50. I have looked after myself. I regularly attend the gym and eat well albeit I do have to battle to control the sweet tooth! Other areas of my life, however aren’t quite where I expected them to be at this ripe old age. As I ponder this milestone, I look back and ask myself why and importantly, what have I learnt over the years. It’s fair to say that I’m not the only person to have or currently be experiencing the same challenges, so in the hope of benefiting others I’d like to share. I have made many errors of judgement with the benefit of hindsight and a good few which can only be described as being of biblical proportions! These are definitely some tips I would share with my younger self. Don’t tolerate a crap relationship. The signs were there very early on with my last relationship. I knew it was going to create major issues but I felt embarrassed to end it. My ego couldn’t admit I had made a mistake. What would my family and friends say? 5 years on and after nearly destroying my relationship with my family, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. If it’s not working then get out!! Get financially educated. I’m still blown away that schools don’t teach financial literacy. If you’re lucky enough to have had it taught at home then good luck. If you weren’t, you need to take it upon yourself. The harsh reality is that the majority of people in retirement will be reliant on social security. Even an elementary knowledge will save you from a fair amount of pain and in my case, a bucket of pain! Don’t buy “stuff” to impress people. I’m not sure who said it first but I have seen many people quote it. “People buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.” It pretty well sums it up. Let’s be really honest, you don’t need 5 televisions or 15 watches. Friends today, gone tomorrow. People will come in and out of your life. Some will stay for a short time others for a long time, rarely will it be a lifetime. I struggled with this for a long time. I had friends in my thirties who I thought I would end up sharing a room with at the retirement village but stuff happens. People change and their priorities change. If you have to fight to keep people in your life, they are not worth being in your life. I read somewhere people come into your life for a reason. It can be for an experience or a lesson. Don’t be sad or angry but embrace the experience and move on. Cars are expensive. Someone once told me, cars are like racehorses. Anyone can buy them but maintaining them is another story. Why didn’t they tell me that 40 years ago! If you haven’t worked it out yet, they are a depreciating asset and sadly I got caught up in the “buying to impress”. I’m not suggesting you should drive a bomb but you should avoiding borrowing to buy a car and remember a $20,000 car does the same job as a $50,000 car. Money IS important. I’ve been on both side of the fence and let me tell you emphatically MONEY IS IMPORTANT. It’s not about stuff you can buy with money it’s the experiences and the choices it affords you. Health care, education and work. I have always drummed it into my kids the value of money and choices YOU get to make in life. I’m convinced the majority of people who say money isn’t important, have never had. Winter will come As sure as the seasons come and go so will challenges appear in life. I was ignorant (often!) that summer and spring (the abundant times) would last forever but I can assure you they don’t! Financial, health and relationship challenges are inevitable. It’s not a case of if but when. Now, some health challenges you can’t prevent or foresee but financial and relationship challenges are really a case of you reap what you sow. Those outcomes are a direct result of your actions or inactions. Don’t ever challenge “worse” When you think you have hit rock bottom and things couldn’t be or get worse, I assure you they can! As a famous comedian once said, “don’t ever challenge worse” And finally, when you do feel you’re at rock bottom, NOBODY is coming to save you. The only person that can save you is you. The great Jim Rohn said “Accepting responsibility for where you are is one of the greatest signs of human maturity” I created my mess, I have the power to change it. I look forward to your feedback and until the next edition, my name is Con and I am “The Con Versationalist.” |
AuthorCon is an accomplished and articulate speaker and presenter with over 25 years of high level sales experience. Archives
August 2022
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