 We've all been there - in the middle of a presentation, and suddenly the "ums" and "ers" start flowing like a waterfall. Not only are they distracting, but they make us sound like we're trying to summon a demon or something. So, let's talk about three strategies to get rid of those pesky filler words: 1 Practice, practice, practice: Like they say, practice makes perfect (or close enough). The more you rehearse your speech, the less likely you'll be to stumble over your words. Think of it like learning to ride a bike - it might be wobbly at first, but with enough practice, you'll be cruising along like a pro. 2 Take a deep breath: When you feel the "ums" and "ers" creeping up on you, take a deep breath instead. Not only will it calm your nerves, but it'll give you a moment to collect your thoughts and say what you really want to say. Plus, it's way better than sounding like a hyperventilating hamster. 3 Embrace the power of the pause: Pausing can be an effective way to give emphasis to what you're saying, and it also gives you time to gather your thoughts. So, instead of filling the silence with filler words, take a beat and let your words sink in. Your audience will thank you for it. With a little practice and some deep breaths, you can banish the "ums" and "ers" from your speaking repertoire. You will sound far more credible and confident (Or at least not sound like a demon-summoning hamster.) To Your success Con Koutsikas Your Public Speaking and Communication Coach A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist - The Podcast On this episode of 'A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist', I chatted with Professional Home Organiser and Declutter Coach, Sally Carruthers. Sally confessed to being a 'hot' mess in her 20's. Organisation was not her strong suite and nor was it in her top 5 list of priorities. After more than 5 years in the RAF, including overseas deployment, all that changed. Quote of the week "We need to develop our communication skills because when we open your mouth, people discover who we really are" The February 'Confident Speaking and Communication' workshop SOLD OUT 2 months in advance. The next workshop starts on July 3rd and there are only 7 spots remaining. Don't miss out on the early bird price. See what past workshop participants had to say:
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 Are you 'magically' distracting your audience? For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by magicians. How do they show you the coin in the hand, then show you both hands open and no coin, then, presto, they pull it out from behind their ear?! Well, the mystery was recently solved after watching a YouTube video. Simple, yet clever. The magician asks the participant to hold one of his hands. The participant, now being focused on that hand, allows the magician, with stealth, to use the other hand, unnoticed by the participant, to 'magically' place the coin behind his ear. He is distracting the participant / audience from what he is 'really' doing. So, my question to you is are you subconsciously distracting your audience from your message? Do you:
Your audience is so focussed on these distractions, they are not hearing what you have to say. Your valuable message isn't getting through. So often people say, "I don't do that" when they clearly do. One of the best ways to identify any distracting behaviours is to record yourself. Once you are aware of the behaviours, you can go to work on resolving them. To your success, Con Your Public Speaking and Communication Trainer and Coach Would you like to receive my newsletter full of handy hints to help you become a better speaker and a better communicator? Would you like to know more about my coaching and workshops? There is only 1 more workshop this year. Would you like to have a chat about how learning speaking and communication skills can help you? Book your FREE 15 minute discovery call now.
 Are you credible? As a speaker or presenter, appearing credible to your audience is vital. Without credibility, you really have nothing. Here are a few handy hints to really build up your credibility and leave the audience in absolute no doubt you are THE expert in your field. Memorise Quotes. If you're using a famous or well know quote and your telling your audience that you live and die by this quote, it is your mantra then you better have it memorised. If you have to read it from a piece of paper, well clearly, it's not really your mantra. There goes your credibility. Use Statistics or Studies Using statistics and studies to support your opinions add credibility as a speaker. Quote the source of any statistics you use. Statistics or a study are a great tool to emphasise or support a point, but add in the source of that information and there are plenty of bonus credibility points to be had! Example. "A recent study by The John Hopkins University in California indicated that 77% of the adult population have some level of fear and anxiety when it comes to speaking in public" Don't Apologise If you forget a point you wanted to make, Let it go and move on. By you apologizing, all you are doing is highlighting your omission. Here's the thing, the audience don't know what they don't know. Every time you apologize you peel another layer from your credibility onion. To your success, Con Your Public Speaking and Communication Coach Would you like to receive my newsletter full of handy hints to help you become a better speaker and a better communicator? Click the button below and subscribe. Would you like to know more about my coaching and workshops? Click the button below. There are only 2 more workshops this year. Would you like to have a chat about how learning speaking and communication skills can help you? Book your FREE 15 minute discovery call now.
 ARE YOU GIVING YOUR AUDIENCE INFORMATION INDIGESTION?
We are inundated with the message that we need to ‘over deliver’ content and value to our customers or potential customers. In one respect its right but we need to be careful that we don’t overwhelm our audience and give them ‘information indigestion’. If you are like me, and you are putting together a workshop or presentation, you feel compelled to want to ‘jam pack’ it and share all you know because you know the positive impact it has and the benefit to the audience. There is a great quote I recently read, “Give your audience what they need to know, if they want more they will ask”. Let me explain. You wouldn’t sit down for dinner at a restaurant and eat a whole chicken and even think about dessert, would you? You’ll have a nice piece with maybe a few vegetables and once you have digested, you may ask to see the dessert menu. You may even then order a dessert. Your audience is no different. They can’t eat a whole chicken and then have dessert! We need to provide the relevant content and keep it easily digestible. Typically, we can only process so much info in a small amount of time, so when you think you are delivering loads of quality information, the likelihood is that your audience has become overwhelmed and as a result have become disengaged. Giving them what they need to know leaves the door open for future conversations and potential future presentations which go deeper into the areas that might be of particular interest to them. After all, they may not be interested in every aspect of your presentation. Don’t give your audience information indigestion, make sure they ask for dessert. To your success Con aka The Con Versationalist  Corporate sponsorship has been and is an especially important part of the commercial world. Organisations such as sporting clubs, charities and even other businesses depend on the revenue from corporate sponsorship and in return the sponsor receives promotion of their brand in a variety of mediums.
One of these mediums is often events where sponsors are acknowledged and, in many cases, sponsor representatives are given an opportunity to address the audience. As a level of ‘normality’ returns after the pandemic, we are all attending more live events. I recently had the pleasure to attend one of these such events and as expected, sponsors representatives were invited to the stage to say a few words. What ensued was horrifying! The representatives were poorly dressed and by poorly, I mean shirts were badly creased and not properly tucked in and their shoes looked more like runners. However, what really compounded the issue was that they had no idea how to hold the microphone and so could barely be heard but the one who was remotely audible mumbled his way through with an unhealthy abundance of ‘ums’, ‘errs’ and ‘likes’, meaningless content and the odd failed attempt at humour. If you or your company are sponsors, my question to you is who is representing your organisation at these events? Like it or not, your representative reflects your brand. It’s fair to say you take your business seriously, positively promoting your products and services, your high level of customer service and team ethos SO THEN WHY do you not make sure your representatives are held to the same standard? The dressing part is obvious and dare I say, easy. Opportunities to promote your brand to an attentive audience can be rare and when it does arrive, you need to take full advantage! Public Speaking and Communication are essential skills in today’s world. Your representative needs to be articulate, engaging and be skilled at connecting with an audience. Speaking skills are now one of the most sought-after skills by recruiters and employers. Speaking IS the new competitive advantage…….Over to you. To your success Con aka The Con Versationalist  How relatable are you? I was watching a video of a new client recently speaking to a group of year 11 and 12 high school students. He spoke confidently and whilst he had had things we needed to work on, the first thing that got me were the stories and analogies he was telling to make his point. His stories were all about motor sport and in particular, Formulae One Racing. All interesting stories but I'm betting at least half the audience, (the girls), for the most part, cared as much about motor sport as I care about knitting! So, what's the problem Con? One of the most important, if not THE most important thing when speaking to any amount of people, is to make a connection, and the way we make connections is by being relatable. Your audience need to be able to understand the stories and then relate to them in some capacity. If you don't get connection, you don't retain their attention and if you don't retain their attention, you might as well be speaking to an empty room! Before you speak next time, make sure you know your audience and look at what topics and stories would be of interest to them to make sure you connect and retain their attention. You’ll very rarely get 100% audience attention 100% of the time but by understanding who your audience is and what is off interest to them, you will have a greater chance to create that all important connection. I look forward to comments and feedback. To your success, Con Would you like loads of FREE information on how to become a more confident and effective speaker and communicator? Would you like to receive my newsletter straight into your mailbox? SUBSCRIBE HERE Learn more about my courses and programs HERE  In every aspect of our lives we will face criticism and or feedback. What’s the difference you ask? You can look up the dictionary meaning but my short version is as follows:
The only purpose of Criticism is to hurt, put down, belittle or deride whilst making the deliverer feel better about their short comings. Feedback on the other hand, should be, and when delivered properly, is constructive. So when it does come your way, how do you handle it and what do you do with it? Let me tell you about my recent experience. The other night I was at my local Toastmasters International club. For those of you who haven’t heard of Toastmasters, It’s an international organisation which teaches public speaking skills. If you fear speaking in public (and 73% of the population do) or you need to improve your skills, I strongly recommend it. You’ll get an opportunity to speak at every meeting and be evaluated by another member. The evaluation is the critical component because it identifies not only your strengths but the areas in which you need to improve. I have been a member for many years and even as a professional speaker and trainer, I continue to attend for 2 main reasons. The first is I want to continue to hone my skills and so I take every opportunity to speak and receive feedback. The second, and most important is that it’s an opportunity for me to give back to the new or less experienced members. When I started my journey, I would have never followed my path and gained the skills and the confidence without the support and guidance from experienced members so now, as one of those experienced members, it’s my time to nurture and guide others. Anyway, going back to the other night, I gave a speech and was being evaluated by a very experienced Toastmaster. Now this gentleman provides quality feedback but every now and then, I think in an effort to provide humour, he loses his way and the other night was no exception! In the midst of his commentary he pops out with “and Con is 7 -8 kilo’s overweight”, WHAT????!!!!!. As expected, he achieved his desired result as he got a few laughs at my expense but there were also some raised eyebrows. More importantly, how did I deal with it? I find this strategy extremely useful and if your ego is easily activated, as it used to be, I suggest you give this a try. What was the intent? Knowing him the way I do, I know his comment was not delivered with any malice and his sole intention was to get a laugh at my expense. Of course the irony is that he is probably 15-20kg over weight! How is this relevant? Obviously NOT AT ALL. Given I was there to continue to improve my speaking skills, my weight, right or wrong had nothing to do with the quality of my presentation or was in any way going to help me improve. Given the answers above, I totally dismissed it in the context of my speech and moved on immediately, unlike my younger, less “emotionally self-aware” self, who would have confronted him seeking either an apology, retribution or both. Next. Is this relevant or useful in any other area of my life? Look, I know I am no fly weight and it would be good to drop 4 or 5kg’s but I’m in good health and it’s not a priority and anyway, given my love of chocolate and desserts in general, it would be very challenging so again, the comment was dismissed forever. If however, it had of pushed my buttons and surfaced my want and need to lose weight, I could use it as fuel to motivate me. The point is, at all stages, it was my choice how I dealt with the comments as it is yours! I look forward to your thoughts and any feedback. To your success And until next time, My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist  One of the most important communication skills we can possess is the art of listening.
We were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth and we should use them in those proportions but far too many people don’t and so, if you ARE a good listener, that my good folks works to your advantage! It’s a fact that humans love to talk and many love to talk about themselves. If you are an active and skilled listener, just think how much you will learn about the other person. This is particularly applicable in a sales situation. Let me explain. If you are in sales, the best way to serve your customer is to understand their needs and the best way to do that is to ask quality questions then zip it and let them talk. The longer they talk, the more you learn about:
The ability to be an active listener combined with asking better questions is universally beneficial In his book “Never Split the Difference”, former FBI Hostage negotiator, Chris Voss talks about the “Black Swan”. Black Swans are pieces of information gained by letting the other person speak and actively listening which completely changes the balance of the negotiation. The more you let people talk, the more likely they will reveal a “Black Swan”. Add to the fact that people want to talk, they also find silence awkward and uncomfortable. Become comfortable around the uncomfortableness and you’ll have the other person singing like a bird. As the saying goes, “he who speaks first loses” Another huge advantage of being a good listener is that it helps you to respond rather than react. As a good listener, you are really listening to understand what is driving the other person. Don’t confuse understanding and empathy with agreement. Just because you are empathetic and understand where the other person is coming from, it doesn’t automatically mean you agree with their perspective or point of view. A mentor once told me “You already know what you know, shut up, listen and you’ll learn something new” Work on those listening skills and reap the rewards. Until next time My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist PS Want to get my blog delivered straight to your inbox? Subscribe to my regular newsletter and you get a stack of info to help you become a better speaker and a more effective communicator. Remember, the quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success.  One of the most common memes /questions I see posed on social media is “What advice would you give to your younger self”. It is an interesting question and whilst sadly time travel is not possible today, I’m sure there are many, if not all of us (especially me!) who would sell the farm for that opportunity. Well, today, I sat and ruminated on that very question and in my ruminated state, it was very apparent that I have made many errors of judgement and a good few which can only be described as being of biblical proportions! These are definitely some tips I would share with my younger self.
Don’t tolerate a crap relationship. The signs were there very early on with my last relationship. I knew it was going to create major issues but I felt embarrassed to end it. My ego couldn’t admit I had made a mistake. What would my family and friends say? 5 years on and after nearly destroying my relationship with my family, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. If it’s not working then get out!! Get financially educated. I’m still blown away that schools don’t teach financial literacy. If you’re lucky enough to have had it taught at home then good luck. If you weren’t, you need to take it upon yourself. The harsh reality is that the majority of people in retirement will be reliant on social security. Even an elementary knowledge will save you from a fair amount of pain and in my case, a bucket of pain! Don’t buy “stuff” to impress people. I’m not sure who said it first but I have seen many people quote it. “People buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.” It pretty well sums it up. Let’s be really honest, you don’t need 5 televisions or 15 watches. Friends today, gone tomorrow. People will come in and out of your life. Some will stay for a short time others for a long time, rarely will it be a lifetime. I struggled with this for a long time. I had friends in my thirties who I thought I would end up sharing a room with at the retirement village but stuff happens. People change and their priorities change. If you have to fight to keep people in your life, they are not worth being in your life. I read somewhere people come into your life for a reason. It can be for an experience or a lesson. Don’t be sad or angry but embrace the experience and move on. Cars are expensive. Someone once told me, cars are like racehorses. Anyone can buy them but maintaining them is another story. Why didn’t they tell me that 40 years ago! If you haven’t worked it out yet, they are a depreciating asset and sadly I got caught up in the “buying to impress”. I’m not suggesting you should drive a bomb but you should avoiding borrowing to buy a car and remember a $20,000 car does the same job as a $50,000 car. Money IS important. I’ve been on both side of the fence and let me tell you emphatically MONEY IS IMPORTANT. It’s not about stuff you can buy with money it’s the experiences and the choices it affords you. Health care, education and work. I have always drummed it into my kids the value of money and choices YOU get to make in life. I’m convinced the majority of people who say money isn’t important, have never had. Winter will come As sure as the seasons come and go so will challenges appear in life. I was ignorant (often!) that summer and spring (the abundant times) would last forever but I can assure you they don’t! Financial, health and relationship challenges are inevitable. It’s not a case of if but when. Now, some health challenges you can’t prevent or foresee but financial and relationship challenges are really a case of you reap what you sow. Those outcomes are a direct result of your actions or inactions. Don’t ever challenge “worse” When you think you have hit rock bottom and things couldn’t be or get worse, I assure you they can! As a famous comedian once said, “don’t ever challenge worse” And finally, when you do feel you’re at rock bottom, NOBODY is coming to save you. The only person that can save you is you. The great Jim Rohn said “Accepting responsibility for where you are is one of the greatest signs of human maturity” I created my mess, I have the power to change it. I look forward to your feedback and until the next edition, my name is Con and I am “The Con Versationalist.” PS I am so thrilled my “A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist” is now a podcast. I have interviewed some amazing people with some incredible stories and transformations and you don’t want to miss the upcoming guest list! Listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It is also available on a heap of other platforms, just search “A Cuppa with The Con Versationalist” on your preferred platform.  WHY DIDN’T YOU RETURN MY CALL?
One of the most frustrating things can be leaving a message on someone’s phone and not getting a return call or at the least a text back(at some point!) I have no doubt the lady that left a message on my phone Wednesday is absolutely cursing me at the moment. I haven’t returned her call and sadly I can’t. You see, I couldn’t understand a word she was saying! You would think that leaving a message on someone’s phone would be pretty basic and straight forward but obviously it’s not. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Let me give you some really basic, but important tips.
If you have experienced “no call return”, I suggest you leave a message on a friends or family members phone and play it back. You might find out the reason they didn’t call you back! Remember, the quality of your communication will ultimately determine the level of your success. To your success. My name is Con and I am The Con Versationalist. |
AuthorCon is an accomplished and articulate speaker, trainer and certified coach who is passionate about helping businesses and individuals create greater success by teaching speaking and communication skills. These skills contribute to improvement and better outcomes in every area of business, such as sales, customer service and controlling fear and anxiety around presenting your thoughts and ideas (standing up and speaking out). Archives
April 2023
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